"An Artistic Evaluation of the Thank-You Card Misti Sent Me for Helping Her Move"
written by Chris Blunk

In late May of 2005, Misti and her dog Gary moved from a Japanese-like apartment roughly the size of a toaster oven to a nice house on Vermont Street. There she now resides with a couple human roommates, and another dog roommate for Gary. One of them is named Wheezy. I think it's the dog.

I spent approximately three hours moving some large, heavy items from her apartment (including a desk, a mattress, and a scrapbook of Gary photos). Later, in early June I received the following card in the mail:

The inside of the card goes on to state "How very nice of you!" Also included was a handwritten message thanking me for helping move the furniture, for which I was grateful because I didn't really remember what it was I had done to deserve thanks in the first place. In fact, I'm still rather doubtful as to whether I deserve thanks, since my general policy with heavy lifting is to let Jeremy take the whole thing, place my hands benignly below the item as though I were assisting, and say things like "Wow! This sure is heavy!" in proportion to how much he grunts and strains. Why should both our spines be wrecked?

The card (a Hallmark, from the "Warm Wishes" series) instantly struck me as the perfect reward for services rendered. The palette is mostly cool, emphasizing the portions where warmth shines through - namely in the flushed cheeks of the elephant and crocodile (or alligator) and particularly in the Sun. It sends the message of "hey, you provided a little bit of sunshine to my otherwise cold, lavender Hell." The red of the flower draws the eye, telling the viewer to focus on the actions that have transpired between the elephant and the alligator (no, crocodile - the nose is rather flat) rather than the beings themselves. It is a spot of transcendence rivaling, but not overpowering, the Sun, which could easily represent God.

The color scheme immediately caught my attention and delight, but I took issue with the overall composition. While the flower draws our attention to the action of the card (helpfully captioned "Thanks!"), the actual act taking place is rather vague. Is the elephant presenting the crocodile (wait, I think it's alligators that live in the same climate as elephants) with the flower for services rendered, thus giving his "Thanks"? Or is the elephant verbally expressing gratitude to the alligator (whoops, Google says it's crocodiles that live with elephants) for giving him or her the flower? Some little "whoosh" lines showing the direction of the flower's motion would have been helpful.

In addition, the dominate character in the frame - the Sun - shines with concerning aloofness. His tiny smirk and closed eyes suggest an uncaring deity, a callous universe that has no time and interest in the peaceful dealings of an elephant and a crocogator. It gives an unsettling undertone of nihilism to an otherwise happy world.

And look at the gator's feet. They're like giant nipples.

But the overall impression left by the card is still one of happiness, and gratitude. And whatever the shortcomings of the front of the card, they are all but forgotten after the brilliance of the inside - a stark, black-and-white message declaring the actions of the recipient to have been nice. In the complicated and nuanced world of elephants and allidiles, some simple truths still exist. A kindness has been done, and reciprocation has been achieved. Or at least will be, when it's my turn to move.

And so, as a thank-you for her thank-you, I present Misti with this subtly altered version of the front of her card. May the relations between the blue and elephantine (me) and the thin and green (uh, I guess Misti, by process of elimination) always be warm in this cool-colored world.